‘The Kardashians’ season finale robs us of Pete Davidson again

On Thursday, the first season of Hulu Kardashians It came to an end with an epilogue that focused on the Kardashian Cannon’s most heart-wrenching and least dramatic drama: Tristan Thompson’s relentless betrayal. The inaugural season of the popular new family docusoap game saw Chloe and Tristan happily sharing their daughter, True, and preparing to move house together as a family. However, the past nine episodes have led to the big reveal that Tristan cheated on Chloe and have a baby with another woman.

Yes, it’s sexy gossip, but it’s actually so tragic at this point that it’s fun to watch. Chloe wants more than anything to have a family and another child, and since she thinks this cheater is her best shot, she’s given him one chance after another. There was the first known example of infidelity when Chloe was nine months pregnant with True, Tristan Rumors With a close family friend, 21-year-old Jordyn Woods, and now this one. Between Tristan, the evil physical shame you endured in the early days keeping up with the Kardashians and struggle with it Ex-husband of Lamar OdomTaking drugs, Koko can’t get enough rest. Fans want to see her get the happy ending she deserves.

In last week’s episode, poor naive Chloe announced that everything was going well in her life. Perhaps… suspiciously? We know what’s coming, of course, because the show was filmed late last year. Plus, it’s an unspoken rule of thumb for reality TV editors that when someone discusses how great their performance is, disaster is about to happen.

Cut to Kim screaming at her iPhone at the personal sobriety attached to her home. When any of these women’s voices rise above monotony, you know the bullshit goes down. Somehow, Kim got Tristan’s written declaration from a paternity suit with Maralie Nichols in which he admitted to having sex with her after Khloe’s Christmas party for him in Houston. The KKW Beauty founder frantically curls her biceps and heads up an emergency three-way phone call with Kylie and Kourtney about whether Khloe will finally get it with her bronzed head that Tristan is bad news. The episode ends when Chloe answers Kim’s calls.

When the ending picks up, Khloe just woke up to Kim’s texts and calls, so the cameras catch her immediate reaction to the news. Her initial response was shock and anger. Fortunately, Kim passed the baby bar on her fourth attempt and can explain the legal nuances of the situation. Kimberly throws familiar words like “lawyer” and “petitioner” as if Elle Woods was in the courtroom explaining that there was no way Chutney could have bathed within 24 hours of getting a pass. The reality of the situation finally subsided and Chloe could be heard crying on the other line. Kim was satisfied that she did her sister’s heartbreak to get the ratings, and she threw the cameras away.

“I found out what Tristan does to the rest of the world,” Khloe says in a confession. “Courtesy won’t do it, but well, if you do, you won’t give me a heads up before the rest of the world? It’s just an extra slap in the face. It’s insulting.” Ugh. It really seems like a horrible way to live in a relationship. Bad Tristan! He is bad at basketball! OK, so I’m not sure about that last part, but I’m pissed!

The show’s editors seem to share my personal vendetta against Chloe’s adulterous baby daddy as they include a montage of adorable 4-year-old Tristan and Sahih videos in which Chloe laments in the voiceover that every major gesture, family vacation, and event was a lie. The effect is to make Tristan look more like a dirty bag than we already knew.

Next, we check out Kendall, who I forgot was on this show. Maybe it’s because she literally never did anything except for that time a few episodes ago when she couldn’t figure out how to slice a cucumber. In this week’s episode, we saw her step out of a coffin-sized airlock and walk out, laptop in hand, as if catching up on emails there. This scene makes absolutely no sense, even though it has the funniest line from the episode and possibly the entire season. “For the past two years, I’ve been, really, just loving health,” says the model. Good for you Kenny! He gives off the same energy as Kylie say 2016 was the year of achieving things.

Meanwhile, Kourtney is taking a break from worrying about Khloe doing some porn for the Hulu cam crew. She and now husband Travis greet each other with what counts not as a kiss as much as breathing into each other’s mouths while gently touching tongues. It’s some of the most disgusting of them PDA So far, it made me scream reflexively and push my laptop away. The adorable couple is in Travis’ studio where Chris records a cover of Jingle Bells song, just because. Her holiday classic performance looks like laughing ghosts and it’s all so funny.

She and now husband Travis greet each other with what counts not as a kiss as much as breathing into each other’s mouths while gently touching tongues. They are some of the most disgusting PDAs to date, causing me to scream reflexively and push my laptop away.

There’s also an incredibly chaotic sequence of Kim trying to argue her kids for a Christmas photoshoot. Her adorable, untamed bosom of the lookalike, decked out in matching SKIMS sweats, runs across the studio as the helpless paparazzi look on. A three-year-old Psalmist knocks on gingerbread unsupervised and Chicago won’t stop crying. Kim complains that there is not a single usable shot because North is panning the camera in each photo. Where are the 17 nannies that are supposed to be on her payroll?

In between these scenes, various groups of family members gather to discuss the Khloe-Tristan saga, but frankly, those conversations are less entertaining than the no-nonsense hilarious riches of nonsense that fills the rest of the episode. Everyone is begging Chloe to confirm that she ended up with Tristan for good this time.

At one point, Scott—Kardashian’s original, defeated boyfriend—tried to console her, but instead ended up saying that if it was her, he’d never be able to trust anyone else again. Kim got over the bullshit 100 percent, telling her younger sister at the end of the episode, “If it was me and I was really trying to make up for myself and I was trying to be a better person, I’d definitely keep my penis in my pants.”

Overall, though, it’s the comedic, really weird moments in-between that make this a powerful conclusion, as when Chris keeps mispronouncing cacio e pepe pasta as “cacio de pepe”; Or when Kourtney, while taking promotional photos for Hulu, suggests they do a “silly photo,” and they all just stay totally candid and just blink peace signs.

The sisters and Chris both get a montage that wraps up their season arcs. Khloe talks about her resilience, Kourtney gushes about her perfect love story, and Kendall makes vague comments about the rest of the family because she doesn’t have anything going on in her life. Kylie first appeared in the episode to remind us that she was pregnant at the time with her unnamed son Formerly known as Wolf Webster. Kim joked about going to medical school once she finished law school.

The finale episode ends with Chris clicking on her iPhone screen and pretending to have a sexy script, but before she can tell us what’s going on (nothing), the episode ends with a totally unnecessary and overused title card — as in, the story will continue into the next season. Like, yeah, that’s how TV shows work.

Anyway, if Pete Davidson doesn’t show up in Season 2, I’m willing to file a lawsuit.